Are you wondering how to get a home appraisal with a lower value?
Here is a guide to the dark arts of devaluation that every homeowner and realtor should know.
Some homeowners do not realize they are making choices that will result in a lower value.
And then, there are certain situations where we can tell it’s a strategy.
If you are getting ready for an appraisal and need to know which pitfalls to avoid a lower value then you are in the right place.
This post is a satire about the dark arts of real estate sabotage and how to ensure a lower value on the appraisal.
A Guide to Achieving a Lower Value
At Zen Appraisals, we usually help homeowners and realtors understand how to do the exact opposite of creating lower value for their property.
But hey, maybe you’re in a unique situation where you need to strategically lower your home’s value for a specific reason.
Now, before you start hammering holes in the walls (please don’t!), there are some important things to consider.
It’s crucial to understand how home value works.
Perhaps you’re a cunning divorcee seeking a financial advantage, or an estate planner with a sinister grin.
Whatever your nefarious purpose, we’re here to guide you through the shadowy world of intentionally tanking your home’s value.
Why Would You Want to Sabotage Your Own Home’s Value?
Let’s explore the twisted motivations behind such a dastardly deed:
- Divorce Divination: Outsmart your ex-spouse by conjuring up a valuation that’ll make them weep. (During a divorce settlement, or you think lowering the appraised value can help ensure a fairer division of assets.)
- Estate Extortion: Outwit the taxman by artificially deflating your property’s worth. (If you’re planning to leave your home to heirs, a lower appraised value can minimize their tax burden when they inherit the property.)
- Uninformed Homeowners: Just trying to save money so you insist on relying on TV shows that encourage bizarre remodeling tips instead of getting advice from local real estate professionals. (You don’t realize you are making choices that will result in a lower value on the appraisal.)
The 5 Dark Arts of Creating a Lower Value
Now, let’s delve into the sinister techniques that can diminish your home’s allure. Here’s a breakdown of some key components that affect an appraisal:
1. Embrace the Squalor:
- Neglect, Neglect, Neglect: Let filth and neglect reign supreme. Moldy carpets, leaky faucets, and peeling paint are your allies in this endeavor. Remember those “to-do list” items that keep getting pushed back? An appraiser will consider unaddressed issues as factors that need fixing and may result in a lower value.
- The Art of Hoarding: Accumulate clutter and debris. From piles of old newspapers to collections of antique junk, the more chaotic, the better. If the appraiser cannot see the floors or walls then we will assume they are in the same condition as the areas we can see, which is usually not pretty.
- The Stink of Despair: Cultivate a foul odor. Allow your pets to do their thing in the house, let garbage rot in the kitchen, and encourage the growth of mold in damp, dark corners. Not only are these odors hazardous to your health, but they will also lower the condition rating of your house, which typically results in a lower value.
2. Harness the Power of Ugliness:
- Interior Design Inferno: Unleash your inner interior designer and create a hideous masterpiece. Gaudy wallpaper, mismatched fixtures and appliances, and garish color schemes are your weapons of choice.
- The Horror of DIY: Attempt home renovations without any skill or expertise. A crooked bookshelf, a poorly painted wall, or a half-finished bathroom will surely deter potential buyers.
3. Cultivate a Cursed Location:
- Neighborhood Nightmare: If possible, relocate your home to a war zone, a toxic waste dump, or a ghost town. The more dreadful the neighborhood, the lower the value.
- The Noise of Despair: Encourage noisy neighbors, barking dogs, and blaring music. A constant cacophony will drive away potential buyers.
- Kill the Curb Appeal: Let the lawn go, the weeds take over and the shutters hang crooked. Not only will the appraiser wonder about the overall condition of your house, you’ll be sure to alienate your neighbors.
4. Invoke the Spirit of Obsolescence:
- Time Warp: Embrace outdated technology and archaic design. This will send shivers down the spine of any potential buyer. While some features might have been trendy in the past, outdated features may not appeal to a wider range of buyers.
- The Ugly Duckling of Architecture: If possible, design your home to be as aesthetically unpleasing as possible. Sharp angles, strange shapes, and a complete disregard for architectural principles will ensure your home’s devaluation.
- Ditch the Bedrooms: Turn a 3 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom house. Or, better yet, remove all the bedrooms except for one. Because you thought a huge main bedroom would be so much better than your neighbors who all have 3 bedrooms. This is an excellent way to receive an appraisal with a lower value.
5. Master the Art of Misdirection:
- Distraction Tactics: Distract appraisers with a menagerie of exotic pets or a shrine to a forgotten deity. The more bizarre the distractions, the less attention they’ll pay to the property’s flaws. (This is totally false and will only result in a longer inspection)
- The Illusion of Prosperity: Create a false facade of wealth and opulence. A Rolls-Royce in the driveway and a diamond-studded table in the foyer will make your home seem like a trophy property, but the underlying issues will be overlooked. (Again, false. Your personal belongings are not a part of the appraisal)
The Ethical Implications of Real Estate Sabotage
While I am joking (but not) about how to get an appraisal with lower value, it’s important to remember that honesty and transparency are fundamental principles of the real estate industry.
Avoid outright fraud or deception, as such actions may have legal consequences.
Plus, a seasoned appraiser who is experienced in divorce appraisal can see right through your dastardly schemes.
Remember, intentionally lowering your home’s value is a risky endeavor.
If your scheme is exposed, you could face severe penalties.
By following these diabolical tips, you can probably reduce your home’s value and achieve your sinister goals.
However, we strongly advise against such actions. It’s always best to be honest and transparent in your real estate dealings.
This post is a satire about the dark arts of real estate sabotage and how to ensure a lower value on the appraisal.
